From the moment I entered first grade till graduating from high school, I’d continuously dreamed about college and how a radical new me would be born, how independence and freedom from parental control would bring me a new identity.
Last Saturday, after 12 years of faithfully staying in the Chinese and American education systems, I graduated with the highest honors from Bellaire High School. The ceremonious flip of our tassels from right to left signaled other turn-overs as well. It marked the beginning of adulthood and greater independence. It foreshadowed the making of new friends as old faded into the background. I could finally get my own credit card! I could apply for part-time jobs and receive some spending money! I could dye my hair! I could get my ears pierced! I could do whatever I want and nobody could stop me (well, officially I’m not legal for another two months or so, but these sensations were close enough to the real thing)! F-R-E-E-D-O-M!
So I think my self-discovery journey has come to a conclusion for now. I could have prolonged it much longer, but I think I understand myself much more now. However, that’s not to say that the final destination has been reached. The end result is never definite; there are a million other angles to dig at my inner core from the surface and each time, the results alter what has already been established.
Since it’s summer, I have a lot of free time on my hands and blogging/writing down things in my journal have been instrumental in creating motivation for me to do anything at all. Besides the self-discovery journey, I have found true happiness for the first time in a long time. This morning I woke up feeling refreshed and blissful after doing meditation, some crunches, and yoga. These exercises (combined with a happy mantra) cleared my mind of excessively negative thoughts and boosted my self-esteem. I can’t believe that I haven’t been doing this on a daily basis, simply because of the amount of work I am motivated to do now as well as the happiness which I haven’t felt in years. Confident, sassy, independent, and free. That’s how I feel right now.
What activities set your soul on fire? What do you love to do?
Since I was little, art has been an integral part of my life. I don’t know where I would be without the countless hours spent doodling away, without the feeling of a brush in my hand, without the ability to construct an aesthetically pleasing masterpiece from a blank canvas. Art has provided me refuge in difficult times and it has helped me become a more creative and imaginative person.
Singing is just a hobby of mine but I’m not necessarily a good singer. I just really enjoy singing along to mainstream pop songs that come on the radio and other genres (ex: R&B, Latino pop, etc). It’s hard to put into words the feelings that songs and music give me, but it’s almost like I’m transported to another time and place and I just lose myself in the moment.
This post marks Day 2 of my self-discovery experience.
What would your perfect day look like? Describe every detail.
I actually don’t see too big of a difference between this question and the last, but I suppose this prompt is asking for a more detailed outline of an ideal day for me. I’d wake up feeling refreshed in the morning in an opulent bed and do some morning stretches. After that, I would meditate/do yoga or pilates for a while to squeeze some serenity into my hectic life and then go shower. I would proceed to eat a hearty breakfast (consisting of a healthy smoothie and Greek yogurt) and either go biking or walk the dog (pomeranian/golden retriever) while taking in the sunlight.
The pervading question of our purpose hasn’t left the human population alone for as long as we have existed as a race. To take a Darwinist approach, we’re here to outstrip the competition and ensure the survival of our offspring. But for what purpose is the cycle of life to continue aimlessly for generations? I believe each person has a special reason to exist, a reason strong enough to keep him/her here until the day of their passing. We are all gifted with certain talents and skills in order to make a difference.
I set out to find mine, and maybe in the process find me.
I don’t know if it’s just me, but every time I start digging deeper to understand who I really am, Déjà Vu feelings flood my head. It’s almost like I had another existence. Call me crazy if you want for thinking too much but occasionally it almost feels like I’m someone else sitting inside the body of Jenny and watching her life go by. It’s like I’m on autopilot all the time.