It’s a pretty day outside today. The sun is shining, the weather is finally warming up after the dreadful coldness of the past few days ( a little too warm for my liking if I were being completely honest), and the squirrels are jovially chasing each other about without a single care in the world. As this beautiful scene unfolds itself before my eyes, I’m tempted to take a picture with my smartphone. As I unlock the camera and attempt to capture the perfect shot, the only view that greets me from the other side is a blurred and out of focus image.
Sometimes the moments we are living through are like the blurry picture, frustratingly obscure and meaningless, out of focus. We can’t seem to grasp the significance of certain occurrences. Maybe we just got fired from our job for no apparent reason. Maybe we opened our fourth rejection letter from colleges. Maybe we studied so hard for that one test but still bombed it. Maybe that concert we’ve been waiting ages to go to just got cancelled. Whatever it is, we are disappointed, lost, and unhappy, walking through the lonely streets of life with no one at our side. We wonder out loud for the hundredth time, “Why me of all people? Why now of all times?” On a miserable day that couldn’t get any worse, the rain starts pouring, flawlessly completing the gloomy scene.
I have a confession to make.
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Last Saturday, after 12 years of faithfully staying in the Chinese and American education systems, I graduated with the highest honors from Bellaire High School. The ceremonious flip of our tassels from right to left signaled other turn-overs as well. It marked the beginning of adulthood and greater independence. It foreshadowed the making of new friends as old faded into the background. I could finally get my own credit card! I could apply for part-time jobs and receive some spending money! I could dye my hair! I could get my ears pierced! I could do whatever I want and nobody could stop me (well, officially I’m not legal for another two months or so, but these sensations were close enough to the real thing)! F-R-E-E-D-O-M!
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What good is freedom when the soul is barren?
What good is sleep when death has fallen?
What good is guilt when blood has been spilt?
The clock strikes three.
What good is screaming when no one hears?
What good is love when the heart isn’t there?
What good is warning too little too late?
The clock strikes six.
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Why is it that our human condition always seeks that which we do not have and that which we cannot have? The forbidden fruit dictating Adam and Eve’s fate, illicit love affairs conducted while boring partners are left behind, or how much I pined for the start of the new semester while on winter break and how much I pine for summer vacation now that school has resumed. I sat around for the duration of two weeks, agonizing over my unfortunate prospect as a couch potato, even preferring homework over the current state of affairs. Nothing will come of nothing, but now that busy work fills up my time again, I am willing to do anything to return to that boredom.
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My name is Jenny and I’ve decided to start a personal blog! So a little bit about me…
I enjoy writing as a hobby, but I also have a variety of other interests which include drawing, singing, swimming, reading, and listening to music. I’m currently a junior in high school and to be honest, this is the hardest year of high school (I know, I say this every year but it’s true. I promise). Everything is a balancing act, and right now I think I have too much on my plate.
I’m also really curious about the world around me, I feel like I have some interesting things to contribute to the blogosphere, and I wanted to share my thoughts on certain topics with society. I decided to create a WP blog (having used Blogger in the past, I have to say I like the interface of WordPress tons better, although less customization is a setback for poor people like me who can’t afford custom design.).
See ya soon,